While I was in substance abuse treatment at Odyssey House of Utah, I discovered many things about myself that contributed to my addiction. One of these discoveries is that I struggle with being genuine and/or authentic. In short, I tend to outwardly present my life in the most positive light as possible, regardless of what is actually going on. I've learned that being honest, vulnerable, and real is the best way to show the most authentic version of myself. I truly believe that people will connect with me on a more personal level the more genuine and authentic I am. I promise that my posts, to date, have been genuine and authentic. I've actually delayed posting to the blog a few extra days than normal, because I was struggling with wanting to be disingenuous.
With that spirit in mind, last week was rough... In fact, I'd say it sucked!
The fatigue and nausea set in much quicker than the previous rounds. By 1:00 p.m. on Wednesday, I found myself falling asleep in a meeting with my boss! I woke up on Thursday unable to identify what was wrong with me, but knew that something was wrong.
This isn't anything that is unexpected. My Oncologist has prescribed a handful of medications for such situations. My problem is that I have no idea how to pin down exactly what my problem is, communicate it, and then use the tools provided me to combat the symptoms.
The result, is an unpleasant Clint. I believe anyone else would call me a Jerk, or even worse.
I apologize to all of those who encountered such a version of me last week, and I commit to ensuring that I am communicating with Kim and others exactly what is going on with me to ensure that I'm staying ahead of my symptoms and not allowing them to get the best of me.
Today, I feel great! My energy is back, and my mind is clear. I remain optimistic about the treatment plan I have, and am excited about being able to get some time with the folks at MD Anderson in Houston, TX in a couple of weeks!
Again, I appreciate every body's support and I love you all!
Thinking of you today and hope you are feeling well. I love you and your little family. Big hugs lil brother.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty! I prefer to just be a jerk everyday so there are no surprises!
ReplyDeletePraying for you Bro, I think we are all optimistic for you, but sometimes the reality check is good for us to keep remembering how fragile this life is. We're praying for you every day brother! - Matt
ReplyDeleteThinking of you everyday. Hope you are doing well. I love You, Kim and the Kids so much. I pray for you every day.
ReplyDeleteYou got this, bro! Thanks for the insight and raw view of your struggles and fight with this ugly monster. You are an inspiration to our whole family!
ReplyDeleteI'm just seeing all these posts...thanks for sharing...I'm always checking in with Kim...she's probably thinking "dang! Just read his blog". Continually praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. When I went through recovery I realized the same things. Everyone expected a happy guy. The problem was that guy was self medicated me. I think you sharing this struggle with cancer and other parts of your life is awesome and will help a lot of people. Keep it up.
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